In a physical fight, there are rules in place to prevent dirty fighting. But have you ever thought about what the rules might be for fights in a relationship? What are the rules when you have a fight with friends or family? In this article, we want to give you three rules for fair fighting and explain why following these rules matter.
Rules of Fair Fighting
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Focus on one issue at a time: While it’s tempting to bring up all your problems during a fight, limit the fight to one subject and save the rest of the discussions on other issues for later.
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Keep things in the present: Past mistakes and failings shouldn’t impact the current problem at hand, especially ones you can’t do anything to fix in the present.
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Listen with an open mind: It can be hard to really listen, especially when you think you’re in the right. Try to see things from the other person’s perspective.
Why Following the Rules of Fair Fighting Matters
Regardless of what kind of relationship it may be, fighting fair is critical to creating a healthy relationship. Being able to be vulnerable about issues that you may be having while also being confident that you will be able to work through those issues will help you build stronger, deeper relationships with the people around you.
According to Ecclesiastes 3:8 (ESV), there is “a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace.” Fighters in the ring start and end the match with the ring of a bell. We also need to be able to choose when to start our fights and when to let them end. If you find yourself struggling to find times of peace within a relationship, Wellspring offers family and couples therapy to help you improve any kind of relationship you may have with another person.
This week’s podcast:
“Rules for Fair Fighting” with host Lindsey Steffen, LMHC, along with Tova Kreps, LCSW.
