How we attach to our partners, friends, children, etc. as adults, depends greatly on the attachment that we formed with our caregivers during childhood. If we have secure attachments with our caregivers as children, we are more likely to form secure attachments as adults, likewise if our attachments to our caregivers are insecure or unstable as children we are likely going to carry that into our adult relationships as well.

What are the Four Attachment Styles?

How do attachment styles affect our relationships as adults?

• It affects how we deal with closeness and emotional intimacy in romantic relationships.

• Influences how we communicate needs and understand the emotions and needs of others.

• Affects how we handle conflict.

• Influences the expectations we place on partners and the relationship.

Can you change your attachment style?

Recognizing and learning about your attachment style can help you to change unwanted behaviors and patterns. We cannot change the things that have happened to us in the past, but we can learn to cope with them in new and healthy ways so that we do not repeat the patterns our caregivers passed down to us.

What does the Bible say?

Even Paul struggled with his past holding him back from the work that God had planned for him. He “strained forward” and “pressed on” towards the call on his life (Philippians 3:12-14). After we are saved, we work through a process called sanctification or as Paul said “working out your salvation” (Philippians 2:12). As you identify your current attachment style, ask God to show you the areas that you need to heal from your past and work on securely attaching in your relationships.

Article by: Gabriella Zelaya, Registered Mental Health Counselor Intern

Listen to this week’s podcast entitled:

Attachment Styles in Relationships

Host Mario de Armas, Registered Mental Health Counselor Intern, is joined by Gabriella Zelaya, Registered Mental Health Counselor Intern