Although people may casually call someone who is self-centered a “narcissist”, narcissism is actually a diagnosable personality disorder. Narcissism is characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance, an excessive need for attention from others, lack of empathy, constant need for praise and admiration, and sense of entitlement. A narcissist frequently intimidates or demeans others, shifts blame instead of accepting responsibility for their own actions and causes others to feel guilt or shame for actions for which they are not to blame. Living or working with a narcissist can be very distressing.

How does narcissism affect relationships?

• One-sided. The narcissist relates to everything and everyone from the perspective of, “How does this affect me?” The value of any decision, person, or activity is determined by what is most beneficial to the narcissist.

• Lack of empathy. The lack of concern for the consequences to others who are asked to serve or attend to the narcissist is not so much about not caring, as it is that the value of the narcissist’s needs far surpass the value of the needs of others. They believe they are the most important person in any situation.

• Gaslighting. This is when the narcissist in the relationship invalidates the other person’s feelings, causing them to question their own reality and to second guess themselves.

• Manipulation. A narcissist may manipulate information or situations, sometimes isolating their partner or turning others against them, in order to maintain their position of control.

• Lying. A common trait in this personality disorder is lying. A narcissist may revise stories of past or present events in order for them to look good.

What causes someone to be a narcissist?

We cannot pinpoint one exact cause for narcissism. There may be multiple factors that play a part in the development of narcissistic personality disorder. Childhood environments can affect this outcome, such as attachment issues with caretakers, or being in a home with excessive praise or criticism. Neurobiology and genetics may also play a part in creating this personality disorder.

Can narcissism be treated?

• Early Intervention. While it is difficult to say if narcissism can be prevented, implementing early intervention strategies may make a huge difference in the outcome of the disorder.

• Therapy. Recognizing the early warning signs as a parent makes it possible to seek therapy early on and can help a child learn how to cope with emotional distress and learn to think about the needs of others.

• Relationship with God. While there may be beneficial treatments which can help treat or reduce the severity of this disorder, having a relationship with God is most important of all. A narcissist who is a Christian can be tempered through the Holy Spirit, the Word of God and the gospel call to love others.

This week’s podcast: “Narcissism” with host Lindsey Steffen, LMHC, along with Tova Kreps, LCSW and Gabreilla Zelaya.