Are you feeling lonely this Valentine’s Day as the world around us is all pink and red hearts? Well, according to the Greeks, there’s plenty of love to go around! What does this mean?

Did you know that in the Greek language there are several words that express different types of love? There’s 9 to be exact! So, let’s explore a few of these types of love and reflect on the love we have around us

1. Eros: Romantic or Passionate Love

This word comes from the Ancient Greek mythology of Eros, a figure representing passion and fertility, who would shoot arrows into the hearts of people to make them feel a rush of desire for each other. Sounds a little like Cupid, right? Fun Fact: because it is! Thus, it makes sense as to why when we think of love and Valentine’s Day, this is the type of love most people think about. It does not help that the world around us also pushes us to think that this is the only type of love there is and if you do not find it in a certain time frame, you are broken. But! There is hope, and that leads me to….

2. Philia: Affectionate Love, Friendship, or Brotherly Love

This is a beautiful word that implies spiritual connection, trust, and shared values. This type of love is the love we experience with friends and family. It may not be as euphoric as Eros, but it can be more fulfilling and rewarding in the long term. Maybe you’re thinking of a best friend who has been by your side through all your ups and downs. Or that family member who has supported you and believed in you for every endeavor you set forth. Notice how reflecting on that type of love makes you feel. I encourage you, if you have this type of love, that is healthy, hold on to it! And if you are like me, someone who hasn’t quite found it yet, don’t give up! I know there is someone out there that can fill this gap.

3. Philautia: Self-love or Self-acceptance

This type of love is all about how we view ourselves and how we feel about our own mind and body. Nowadays, we think of this love as self-esteem. This is an important love to develop and grow in a healthy way as it can increase confidence, improve mental health, increase resilience, and allow us to receive and give all kinds of love. It is crucial to be self-aware here though, because we can go from healthy self-love to unhealthy self-love. Unhealthy self-love can look like pride, narcissism, and selfishness which God warns us about in verses like:

Proverbs 23:12 “Whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted.”

Proverbs 11:2 “When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.

4. Agape: UNCONDITIONAL Love

This is the most important type of love, a love that is not dependent on any external factors. This is the type of love God has for us and the type of love He calls us to have towards one another. This love is selfless, not based on emotions, but a deliberate choice to care for others. This is the type of love we strive to have at Wellspring with each other, with our clients, and with our community. This is the type of love from above that can fill any emptiness we may be feeling this Valentine’s Day. In fact, the essence of agape is captured in John 3:16 which says, “For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”

So, dear reader, I hope this agape love encourages you this Valentine’s Day (and every day!) I hope you can take the time to reflect on God’s love for you and how YOU can show this type of unconditional love to someone around you. Maybe it’s feeding someone who is unhoused or apologizing to someone you’ve hurt or forgiving someone who has hurt you. Whatever the action may be, do it without wanting anything in return. Do it simply because we are called to “love your neighbor as yourself”.

If you are struggling with any of these types of love (i.e. challenges in marriage, low self-esteem, difficulty making friends, etc.) reach out to Wellspring. We can help you build the skills to love yourself and others well and in healthy ways.

If you’re wondering about the other types of love, here you go:

Storge: devoted love, like a parent caring for a child.

Pragma: love based on duty, reason, and shared goals. The day-to-day “admin” of maintaining a relationship.

Xenia: hospitality, emphasizes respect and generosity for others.

Ludus: carefree, playful love. “Living in the moment”.

Mania: obsessive love, not very healthy!

Written by Ivanna Rodman