Parents play a pivotal role in the lives of their children. From being caretakers providing guidance and support, to standing as allies in adversity, parents should be a safe resource for their kids to confide in. Too often, however, teens in therapy rooms say things like, “I don’t want to tell my parents” or “I couldn’t tell my parents these things.”

Mental Health is a common concern among adults and children, and parents have the responsibility to cater to the emotional well-being of their kids. Adolescents’ unattended emotional needs can lead them to engage in unhealthy and destructive coping such as:

• Alcohol/drugs or vaping as a way of numbing/avoiding

• Social media obsessing

• Video Gaming

• Cutting/self-harm

• Disordered eating

How can parents open the door to conversations about mental health? 

Parents can set the tone by :

1. Talking about their own feelings. Being vulnerable can break down walls. When a parent shows that they also struggle with their thoughts and emotions in a situation, it may create more opportunities for the child to share their own.

2. Asking about their child’s feelings. “How does that make you feel?” can be the most critical question to ask a child. This question may need to be asked a few times before the parent gets a genuine response.

3. Giving children the options to process their feelings. Some of the ways kids can process their emotions are by journaling, exercising, drawing, coloring, or speaking to a counselor. Parents should also communicate to their children that they can always come to them if they need to talk.

Here are a few takeaways a parent should keep in mind when speaking to their child:

• Feelings are not right or wrong. They are messengers about what is happening.

• Feelings uncover beliefs. In any given situation, feelings point to what is important and valuable to the person who is experiencing them.

• Feelings should be proportionate and appropriate. When a child’s reaction is not proportional to a given situation, parents should not just shut them down. Instead, they should take the time to ask clarifying questions to help their child sort out their feelings and evaluate if their reaction was proportionate and appropriate.

• Feelings always go somewhere. If feelings are not tended to, they will resurface later. Stuffing feelings doesn’t remove them.

• Feelings can help take action. Feeling anxious or nervous about a situation could help the child make healthier choices, i.e to remove themselves from a situation, or to get help.

• “Let them come, and they will go.” When a parent takes the time to tend to their kid’s feelings, it can help them process and move forward with a clearer perspective.