Have you ever been caught off guard by a question? Most likely you’d say yes and can even recall the process of mentally stumbling to find some sort of reasonable answer. Now imagine that the question is “Can I like girls and boys?” and it’s being asked by your child. For several reasons, these questions stun parents and carry a level of awkwardness and discomfort.
This is a good place to pause and explore our beliefs in the light of facts. According to the National Center on the Sexual Behavior of Youth, sexuality begins at infancy. Children as young as three years old can identify their own gender and the gender of others, already exploring their body parts and sometimes engaging in curious play. The process continues into puberty which begins around 7-12 years old. By the time children reach the teen years, studies have shown that they have learned more about sex and sexuality from peers and media than from their parents. The fact is that sexuality is a part of healthy development and growth, and needs to be addressed early and often.
In many ways, it may already feel like a losing battle. How can parents get a word in when social media apps, the opinions of friends, TV shows, movies, and music have taken over the landscape of the conversation of sexuality? Be encouraged. Studies reveal that teens would like to be able to talk to their parents about sexual topics. So where can you start.
Take an inventory of the content of your child’s social media pages, tv shows, movies, music, internet searches and conversations with peers. These sources are typically where youth gather information, so it would be imperative that you become familiar with them. What you discover may surprise you so be prepared to manage your emotions and reactions well. Remember, the inventory is meant to expand your insight, not ruin the relationship you currently have with your child. Your relationship is imperative to have healthy conversations on sexuality.
Know current terms related to sexuality. For example, LGBTQ stands for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer and Questioning. Despite what your beliefs may be about these sexual terms, they are identifiers that our culture has adopted and we need to be educated on what they mean so that we can then have a conversation. Research any new terms you read in your inventory.
Learn what your faith teaches about these topics, so you can respond with clarity and kindness. Parents cannot afford to be unprepared when children ask challenging questions. Would you pause to notice your words and how you speak about sexuality from a lens of faith if you found out that LGB youth are almost five times as likely to have attempted suicide compared to heterosexual youth (CDC) As the Bible calls us to take every thought captive (2 Corinthians 10:5), the challenge for parents is to take each belief captive and understand the nuances of sexuality topics. Some Bible-based sources on speaking with youth about sexuality include:
For parents who are not concerned about a Biblical world view, knowing what you believe, why you believe it, and being prepared to discuss sexuality with your children is just as important.
Article by Yasamin Nosrati-Shamloo, LMHC
