So you’ve realized you have an insecure attachment style – maybe through therapy or doing your own research. You might be thinking, “That explains so much! But wait – am I going to be stuck like this forever?!” Before we answer this question, let’s recap what attachment style means.
What are Attachment Styles?
Attachment styles refer to how we relate to others based on our early childhood experiences with our caregivers (usually parents). Connection, conflict resolution, and sense of self are all related to your attachment style. There are currently four identified types: secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganized.
Secure Attachment
Comfortable with both closeness and independence. You communicate openly and feel safe seeking connection.
Anxious Attachment
Marked by fear of abandonment or rejection. You seek closeness but may struggle with self-esteem, reassurance, or jealousy.
Avoidant Attachment
Emotional closeness can feel uncomfortable. You value independence and may find it hard to trust or rely on others.
Disorganized Attachment
Characterized by confusing or contradictory patterns. You may both crave and fear intimacy and struggle with emotional regulation.
What Now?
While attachment styles can be pervasive, they are by no means permanent. They are learned, which means they can be unlearned! That’s why when an individual is able to change from an insecure to a secure attachment style, it is referred to as an Earned Secure Attachment. Through engaging in healthy connections and intentional self-reflection and processing, anyone can move to more secure ways of relating to others.
As people of faith, we also believe that growth doesn’t happen through our own strength alone. Scripture reminds us that God is actively at work in our healing:
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” — Psalm 147:3
Therapy, friendships, and your spiritual community can all be meaningful ways God invites restoration and deeper connection. Change takes time, and that’s okay. As Philippians 1:6 encourages us: “He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion.”
Today, consider one small relational pattern you’d like to approach differently. Invite God into that space, trusting that His presence brings safety, wisdom, and grace as you grow.
If you’re unsure of your attachment style or want support on this journey, booking an appointment can be a helpful next step. Our Annual Check-ups are designed to support greater self-awareness and healing, as you move toward healthier, more secure relationships.
Written by Eleanor Lindabury
References
Arizona Family Counseling. (n.d.). Secure attachment: Theory and biblical perspective. ArizonaFamilyCounseling.com. https://arizonafamilycounseling.com/blog/secure- attachment/
Cozzarelli, C., Karafa, J. A., Collins, N. L., & Tagler, M. J. (2003). Stability and change in attachment styles: Associations with personal vulnerabilities, life events, and global construals of self and others. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 22(3), 315–346. https://doi.org/10.1521/jscp.22.3.315.22988
McGarvie, S. (n.d.). Attachment theory: Bowlby’s stages and attachment styles. PositivePsychology.com. https://positivepsychology.com/attachment-theory/