Coping after a loss requires a great deal of mental, emotional, and physical effort. The death of a loved one can figuratively feel like a sudden weight added to our load, making us feel older and heavier.

Holidays feel blue when dealing with loss, but there are ways to cope during the season:

• Safeguard your time and energy. This is a golden rule to stay serene through the motion

• Allow yourself to feel whatever naturally emerges. Since the holidays evoke strong emotional reactions because of memories and traditions, it is important to honor how you truly feel.

• Remove should and shouldn’t from your vocabulary. Statements such as “I should be grateful for my health” or “I shouldn’t cry” only serve to deny whatever real underlying emotions that need to be expressed.

• Honor some longstanding favorite traditions. Allow for time to talk about and remember your loved one while you participate in these traditions. Creating new rituals will build hope for the future and provide a sense of control when we might feel otherwise powerless

• Do something thoughtful or charitable for someone else. Focusing on someone else’s reality will drift your attention from your pain. Serving food at a homeless shelter or donating a small gift for a child could create a feeling of purpose and perhaps even moments of joy.

• Allow yourself plenty of rest, a proper diet, and surround yourself with people who recognize that you are to be handled with care.

How can you be a support for someone who is dealing with grief and loss this holiday season?

• Offer Presence, not Presents – Perhaps the best gift you can give someone grieving this holiday season is the gift of your unhurried presence.

• Pause Before You Speak – Before you utter a single word, determine if what you are about to say is truly meant to comfort them or you. Try not to brush their feelings aside, and let them express themselves.

• Don’t be afraid to initiate the conversation – It is okay to ask straightforward questions about how they are coping. You will not increase their sadness, rather you will show that you care about how they feel and that you haven’t forgotten about their loved ones.

We can’t wrap this topic up and neatly tie it with a bow…but following these suggestions just might help. Wishing you peace, comfort, and meaning this holiday season.

Listen to this week’s podcast entitled:

Coping with Grief and Loss during the Holiday Season