Is Love a Feeling or a Choice?

This weekend many of us will celebrate Valentine’s Day. While this holiday can bring positive and negative feelings, we hope that this article will help you connect to a greater understanding of choosing love.

God is Love

We have all heard this statement before and you may feel ambivalent to its meaning. However, when we dive into the height and length of His love, it can truly revolutionize our view of who we are and how deeply we are loved.

Love is a Choice

God offers His love freely and doesn’t require our love in return, therefore our love should model this example.

  • Is your love conditional on the behavior of the other person?

  • Do you withhold love from someone who doesn’t do exactly what you expect or ask of them?

  • Do you easily forgive?

  • Do you love despite someone’s flaws?

Loving someone and accepting their love in return is a choice that we make daily. Whether it is a child, husband/wife, or friend, true love goes beyond the “warm and fuzzy” moments and makes the conscious effort to make the most of every encounter with that person. Expressing love, and its converse of hate, is a choice that we make.

How can you approach this Valentine’s Day and everyday differently?

When you wake up in the morning, do you immediately feel love for your significant other? Likely not.

We would like to challenge you to approach every day with your loved ones as a choice and a chance to share the love that God has so graciously given to you.

Here are some practical ways to live this out with your loved ones:

  • Ask about their day and listen – put away your phone and other distractions and listen to them.

  • Let grace be your default instead of anger – this can take some time to develop! When you feel yourself getting angry because of a situation, create a strategy for

  • Learn their Love Language and make an effort to love them in their language.

  • Create a daily habit with your loved one – a goodbye or hello ritual that reminders you both of your love for one another will strengthen your bond.

  • Make time for the other person – whether it is date night with your spouse or alone time with each of your children, making time to spend with them 1-on-1 will show them that they are important to you and give you space to connect.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Listen as Lindsey Steffen, LMHC, and Tova Kreps, LCSW, talk about choosing to love those around us.

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